Spreadsheet Jokes

"You never finish a spreadsheet. You just stop working on it."
"A macro does what you tell it to do, not what you want it to do."
"Excel NEVER cras"
"Microsoft Orifice: It blows! It sucks!"
"Those who can, do. Those who cannot, teach. Those who cannot teach, develop spreadsheets."
"You never understand VBA, you just get used to it."
"Accountants do it between spreadsheets!"
"To err is human. But to really foul things up, you need Excel."
"Lotus 3-2-1: The Spreadsheet For Dyslexics"
"Spreadsheet users do it in the Lotus position."
"Definition: Macro - The last half of an expression of surprise."
"Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining." (Jeff Raskin, interviewed in Doctor Dobb's Journal)
"Word Perfect isn't, Excel doesn't, Works won't."
"It's easy to make mistakes using formulas. But if you really want to foul things up, write a macro."
"Old spreadsheets never die; they just lose some of their functions."
There are two ways to develop error-free spreadsheets. Only the third one works.
Spreadsheet Developers: Solving today's problems tomorrow.
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The spreadsheet industry is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.