Spam University offers a comprehensive and well-rounded
educational experience for people from all over the world. Spam U
graduates send out billions of spam emails every day of the year.
You probably have a few dozen in your inbox right now!
Spam University offers both undergraduate and graduate degrees,
and is fully accredited.*
- B.S. - Bachelor of Spam
- M.S. - Master of Spam
- Ph.D - Phony Doctor of Spam
Each degree comes complete with an official diploma, suitable for
framing (frame not included).
Following is a partial list of courses offered at Spam University.
Request a Spam U Catalog for a complete course listing (only
The History of Spam
Gain a historical perspective on your chosen profession. For
example, you'll learn that the term SPAM is actually an
acronym for Stupid People Always Multiply (and that's a good thing).
The Science of Writing Subject Lines
Discover the secrets to writing successful subject lines, such as
"Why Pay More?", Viagra 1/2 Off!", and the
ever-popular "ÂÖåó ÇèóÌØáù ÆÐ±»ÛýÀ."
Harvesting Email Addresses
This course covers basic and advanced methods of email address harvesting, including
Web sites and Usenet groups.
You can't be a spammer if you don't know the vocabulary. This course
covers "must know" industry buzzwords such as direct email marketing,
harvesting, bulk email,
(and partnering), e-commerce, and (of course),
Covering Your Tracks
Nobody wants their spam to be traceable. This course teaches you
various ways to hide your identify and stay out of
Spamming Ethics - Canceled
Ethical issues facing spamming professionals.
Porn Spam 101
Learn how to promote your porn site using spam. One of our most
Porn Spam 202
Learn how to promote your porn site with effective graphics (Porn
101 is a prerequisite).
Avoiding Spam Filters
Required course. Your spam is worthless if it's filtered out.
(Remember: every 100,000 clients who filter out your spam costs you
$0.02 in expenses!). Learn the professional techniques that ensure
your spam will be seen by real human beings.
Statistics For Spammers
Learn how to calculate response rates. Requires a calculator that
displays at least 16 decimal digits. If you don't know what a
decimal digit is, you should not take this course.
One of the fastest-growing categories of spam is political spam.
This informative course examines political spamming techniques in
detail. As you'll see, spammers and politicians have much in common.
Body Part Enlargement
Learn how to promote male "member" and female "boobie"
enhancement products. One of our most popular courses.
Using Viruses To Send Spam
Learn how to use other people's computers to send your spam.
Register early. This class will fill up quickly.
Basic Accounting For Spammers
In this course, you'll learn just enough accounting to keep the IRS
off your back.
Selling Pharmaceuticals Via Spam
You'll learn how to write spam to sell tons of Viagra™,
Phentermine™, and Placebo™.
Selling Loans By Using Spam
Convincing people that they need a loan has always been a popular
spam topic, and we're seeing a resurgence of interest, especially
among those who are unemployed (former dot-com idiots) and have poor credit
(former dot-com idiots). This course
covers this topic in detail.
represents the highest form of globally accepted, legal and valid
accreditation of a college or university, and the validity of
awarded academic degrees. Spam University is accredited by the TEU,
the GGFT, the AALRU, the PITGA, the NNHFCU, the AFFGU, the SGA, the
PGA, and the NFL.